a letter to everyone... especially those who care.
 

March 18, 2002

a letter to someone... does anyone care?
 

March 13, 2002

a letter to a friend
 
 

January 5, 2002

Been a long time... and I don't even have much to say.

Just that I wish people knew that *I* have feelings and needs too!

I sometimes get so tired of coming second... third... tenth... last
 
 

January 24, 2001

a letter to my 'other' mom
 
 

January 23, 2001

I figured something out yesterday... it has only taken me a few years! I feel most comfortable writing when I have a focus... someone or something to write to. So my 'journal' is no more. Instead I intend to begin a series of letters to people, things, ideas, memories, etc...

As before, it will be infrequent and only updated when I have something to say (which seems to be more often lately). So welcome to 'letters to...'
 
 

January 22, 2001

a letter to my mom
 
 

January 15, 2001

I'm ticked off... want to know why??
 
 
 
 

July 21, 2000

A certain person (who shall remain unnamed, right Michael??) has been very gently pushing me towards starting a journal of sorts... so here we go...

But maybe not what he was expecting.

I'm afraid of doing this. Why? Lots of reasons.

Who am I writing this for? Myself, of course. But by putting it on the website I am inviting other people into my life... allowing them to *see* me. So what do I do? Do I write in a way that shows people what I would like to be? Or do I write what I really am and risk them finding out I am really a very boring and 2-dimensional person? Do I care what a bunch of strangers think about me? Unfortunately, yes.

I don't like my own writing. So do I edit and re-write until I am intellectually satisfied? Or do I write and let my poor style show through and hope that the emotion and feel of the words will make up for the lacking?

What do I write about? My job? My past? My pet peeves? Does anyone really care about what I think and how I feel??

Do I ask for feedback? It seems odd to me to think of people looking into my life and not having at least the option to offer something of themselves in return, but I am afraid of what people may say.

I am also afraid of what those I share this body with will think and say. I am still the 'new kid' and I don't know as many things as most of the others do. I will probably sound uneducated and inexperienced and even naive to some of them. I want to become a contributing member of our Community. I don't want to burn bridges I didn't even know existed yet.

Yes, I am afraid of a lot of things. It is how I was raised and how I have lived most of my life... something I can't just turn off in a day or two. I have lived my life doing for others and always being told I wasn't good enough, that I am ugly, that I am an underachiever. Why should I open myself up to more chances to be told those same things again?

Yet, there is an attraction to doing this. Something in me *wants* to.

I am confused. I don't know where I am going.

Care to join me on the journey?
 
 

and yes, I *do* want people that read this to feel free to talk to me if they want to...
 
 

P. S. thanks to Ethan for making the pretty graphic for me!